I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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