I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
