4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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