I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
