my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
