I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
