who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
