Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
