You really coming over, don't trick.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
