That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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