Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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