TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's always time for handjobs
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
