I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
