you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
