I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
