take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
