White coat. Heels.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
