i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
