And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
