why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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