Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
