mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
