did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
