Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
