Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
