And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
