my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
