When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
