Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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