a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
