I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
