Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
