The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
