Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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