how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
