It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
