i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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