Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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