Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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