I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
