i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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