Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
