If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The air was thick with penises
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
