I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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