well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
