let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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