The beer is more important than you right now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
