can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
