Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
