my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
