new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
